Reasons Why Relationships Don't Last

The power of positive versus negative comments

People in failing relationships look for what is wrong with others (especially their mate) instead of what is right. During a conversation where the two people held opposing views, the ones who had a good relationship said something nice to the other one five times more than they said something critical. In relationships that don't last, the ratio of good comments versus bad ones to each other was one to one.


Unrealistic expectations
Before the relationship even begins, we’re surrounded by media that perpetuates the myth of two people meeting, falling in love and living happily ever after. This makes a great story line, but leaves out the part where relationships take work, time and effort to succeed.

Accepting responsibility to be in a committed relationship

When one or both people don't take responsibility for their commitment and allow themselves to be attracted to others, they are in trouble. Some people feel there is nothing wrong with a little "harmless" flirtation. On the contrary, research shows that in every close conversation, there is the possibility of secreting oxytocin (a hormonal chemical) that creates a bond. These interactions can make people feel like they are falling in love. But people can consciously choose not to cross a boundary when they feel even slightly attracted to someone else. They can change their focus. They do not have to be a victim of this attraction.

Forgiveness

There is no "perfect" relationship and even the best ones will have some ups and downs, but it is how couples ride those rough times that determines if the relationship succeeds. People who are good at relating will try to repair any damage that is done in their partnership. They will offer apologies and make gestures to right what has caused hurt.

Being defensive
This may be one of the hardest habits to break. None of us like being criticized. From the time we’re kids, our instinct is to come up with excuses or deny. In a mature and successful relationship, criticism should be constructive and should be listened to in the same manner.

Attitude

Understanding that you need to teach others how to treat you in order to get your needs met will move you from the victim column into the winning column. There are, however, some attitudes that indicate a relationship will break up. The kinds of behavior that will erode closeness are contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

A failure to communicate
Any relationship whether it's romantic, platonic or work-based needs communication. If you don’t tell each other what’s going on, what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling or what you expect, the other person is inevitably going to disappoint you. Open communication, even if it’s sometimes unpleasant, ensures you both know what your partner wants and needs.


Lack of trust
Some argue this is the biggest issue. After 20 years of studying marriages, scientist John Gottman argues that when trust dies, relationships fail. In The Science of Trust, he argues that if negative events are not fully processed, we fill in the information gaps with our own ideas. If we don’t trust our partner, the motives and actions we attribute to them are coloured with a negativity that grows eroding trust further.

Unwillingness to compromise
This can also be seen as the desire to always be right. In some people it comes out as always being certain that their opinion is right. However expressed, your partner’s not going to appreciate always doing things your way. For a relationship to succeed, you’ve got to have the ability to adapt to another point of view.

Selfishness

It takes two to tango, you can’t always lead, and yours aren’t the only needs to be met.



Not making time
Where you spend your time shows your priorities. If you’re always working late, your partner will get the message that work is more important. Make an effort for your partner and your relationship, or you may risk losing them. 

Why relationships don't last is profound but simple. You need two people who treat each other with love, affection, respect, and support, and have a commitment to each other. You deserve a love that lasts--so think about the above.